Memorial-stacking causes anguish

 
    Last week's Palisadian-Post featured an impassioned letter to the editor from Peggy Calamaro, the widow of Fino Calamaro, expressing her frustration and dismay at the L.A. Parks Foundation's (a) replacing her husband's memorial bench without consulting her, and (b) affixing to the replacement bench a plaque memorializing another person.                                                                      

As Lambiedog readers may recall, back in August 2010 I surfaced my own concerns about the LA Parks Foundation's thuggish practice of stacking an additional person's memorial plaque on a bench site that was originally dedicated to a single individual.  Ironically, at that time I identified Mr. Calamaro's bench as the only replacement bench that had not yet had an extra 'tenant' added, and quipped that perhaps the Calamaros had paid the Parks Foundation to leave their bench alone.

In fact, soon thereafter a plaque honoring a lady named Marge Lynn Currie was added to the replacement Calamaro bench. Although Mr. Calamaro's plaque remains in the rear of the concrete base of the bench, most people coming to sit on the bench will read it as a bench in honor of Ms. Currie since her plaque is affixed to the front of the bench itself. 

 So, where do things stand now?

 
  May 2009                                August 2010                                January 2012

Most of the original benches have been replaced, and all those that have been replaced have had a plaque memorializing a second person added to the front of the bench, while the original plaque honoring the original dedicatee remains embedded in its original concrete pad, behind the bench.

The only ones of the old benches that have not been replaced (and, therefore, haven't had an additional dedicatee added) are the Anna Walker Steere bench -- probably because it is so close to the edge of the bluff that it was deemed unsafe or pointless to replace, the Stirling bench (no idea why it was spared),  and the Berman-Yoshpe bench, which was perhaps left alone because the dedicators live across the street from the bench and were or would be quick to complain. 

The one new-style bench on the bluff that has only a single 'tenant' -- the Melodie Mooz bench -- did not replace an earlier bench memorial.  Rather, it was an addition to the bluff, in a spot where there had not previously been any bench.  Presumably the Parks Foundation charged substantially for the privilege of single tenancy. [Revision - 2-6-2012:  For some reason I've been ignoring the Saul Stark bench, which was also added around the time of the Mooz bench.]

Perhaps the saddest story is that of the bench honoring David Robbins, who died of epilepsy in 1994.  His parents are gone, and no one is left to stand up for him or complain that the replacement bench bears a shiny plaque honoring Ed and Donna Betts, while the Robbins plaque sits dirty and unattended in the foundation behind the new bench.

A further tragedy here is that, by adding the additional plaques to existing memorials, the Parks Foundation has turned Marge Lynn Currie and the other bench piggybackers into unwitting carpetbaggers.  In fact, Ms. Currie sounds like a lovely person.  Like Mr. Calamaro, she was a resident of the El Medio Bluffs area.  She was a runner and a supporter of Heal the Bay; a children's book author and L.A. Unified School District administrator who grew up in Queens, New York and died young at age 59, after 37 years of marriage and four children.  (In her letter, Mrs. Calamaro took pains to note that she bears no animosity towards the Currie family, who had nothing to do with the decision as to where to situate their memorial plaque:  "I don't blame them; they did not know the history.")

The full text of Mrs. Calamaro's letter to the Palisadian-Post follows:

I write from complete frustration and sadness.  I am one of the victims of the memorial benches that were destroyed along the Asilomar bluffs, which Howard Kern wrote about last week in his letter "Memorials at Asilomar" (December 29).

My husband, Fino, died in 1996 and as a family we decided to put up a bench where we had his service, directly at the end of El Medio on the bluffs.  It is where our whole family has enjoyed many a sunset.  We have lived in the same home since 1961 and all of our family has enjoyed that spot.

About two or three years ago, I got a call from a friend who told me Fino's bench was being bulldozed down.  I couldn't believe it.  I raced down but it was already gone.  I was never ever consulted, nothing.  It took me quite awhile to find out what happened,

A woman who works for the L.A. Department of Recreation and Parks took it upon herself to replace all the benches -- not ever consulting the owners. When I finally spoke with her, she was very uncaring and all she kept saying was she felt the benches were old.  Fifteen years, which is hardly old, and then she kept saying, "Well, what do you want from me?"  I said, "I want my husband's bench back."  She said, "It has been destroyed."

Dear readers, how would you feel?  She did not want this conversation.  I told her I paid quite a lot of money for it and she should reimburse us for his bench.  She did in fact destroy it.  She said fine.  Now the story gets worse.

I can barely go down there knowing it isn't the bench I picked out (which by the way was one of the first down there).  As a family, we decided to grit our teeth and accept the bench she chose.  That is when to my heartbreak I saw she had sold it to some other person.  So now, our bench is dedicated to someone else.  I don't blame them;  they did not know the history.  So now, every time one of my family members goes to think of their father, or one of his many friends goes there, they are sitting on someone else's bench.

I have held this in for such a long time and I have cried so many tears over it.  I hope, dear readers, this doesn't ever happen to you.  

Comments

[Lambie]

Dear Ms. Betts Dean,

Thank you for your comment, and I'm so sorry if I have inadvertently insulted your parents or their memory. They sound like amazing people and involved community members. I had been planning to profile them in an upcoming post.

In the post you take issue with, I specifically noted, in the sentence quoted below, how unfortunate it was that your family and the others whose memorials were placed by the Parks Foundation on existing memorial benches had been placed in an uncomfortable position through no fault of your/their own. What I wrote was:

"A further tragedy here is that, by adding the additional plaques to existing memorials, the Parks Foundation has turned Marge Lynn Currie and the other bench piggybackers into unwitting carpetbaggers."

Again, I'm very sorry to have offended you and your family -- it was certainly not my intent. I was trying to call attention to the insensitive practices of the LA Parks Foundation. I hope your friendship with the Palisades Post publisher will be of assistance in calling additional attention to this difficult situation.

Best wishes.

[Janet Betts Dean]

Dear Lady, I really do feel sorry for the Calamaro's recent upset with the Park's Foundation. However, your blog has my brothers & me very upset. We lived on Asilomar with our parents, Ed & Donna Betts, in the early 50's directly across the street from the new bench we donated to the Park's Foundation in 2010. Your blog intimates that we, as well as our late parents, are uncaring people; the Foundation was in the process of replacing the old benches as they had been defaced by grafitti and were falling apart. The new benches are sturdier and will last longer. The original plaque remained, which we felt was appropriate. Obviously the original benches were placed prior to the Parks Foundation taking over the Bluffs so that staff could not contact people. My parents were well beloved members of the Palisades community, & your comment makes them sound evil. You owe us an apology as we did what we felt was right for our parents - their ashes were scattered in the Pacific & we have no where else to mourn them. I will name you & this blog in my letter to the Palisades Post concerning the stink about the benches - the Publisher is my lifelong best friend.

Janet Betts Dean