As students return to school after spring break, I have been evaluating an interesting career direction. My inspiration was a holiday happening at Columbia University, where, as a 'stressbuster' for students preparing for finals, Columbia puppies were brought in for petting. Long lines formed for a chance to pet the puppies.
That gave me an idea: Why not sign myself up to provide the same service? Puppies are cute, but so am I. And, as a man of the world, I think I may provide a more nuanced petting opportunity than that delivered by young pups. With student finals coming up in the next couple of months, an enterprising dog could capitalize on all the freefloating anxiety out there.
Some naysayers may look at my track record and temperament, and argue that I am too laden with freefloating anxiety myself to function well as a stressbuster for others. But let's look more closely at what makes me nervous and what doesn't. The record shows that I love being petted by strangers. I just don't like them picking me up and carrying me.
Look at the images below and you can see what a natural I'd be as a petting Stressbuster.
My contract will just have to provide for a bodyguard on hand to keep people from picking me up. Also, there will have to be a clause giving me approval over any sweater I am asked to wear.
Comments